Do you ever look around and think to yourself that everyone else has life together perfectly? Over the years I have realized that no one has the perfect life. There is always something. In the world of blogging it definitely seems like some bloggers live perfect lives. When I start to think like this I tell myself that no one really lives a fairy tale. Each one of us is always dealing with some big issue.
My issue is anxiety. Eight years ago today I married my high school sweet heart. In what is normally the most memorable day of people’s lives I spent the entire day dealing with anxiety. Our rehearsal dinner was less than fantastic – far less than fantastic. I had a panic attack at my wedding rehearsal. I was embarrassed and I ran and hid from EVERYONE for hours and hours in the nearby hills. No, it wasn’t a grown up thing to do at all. I was 22 at the time and that was my first panic attack. The night ended with a fist fight with my mom, which is also the last time I have spoken to her. She didn’t come to the wedding the next day. Over the past 8 years I have only met a handful (if that) of women who do not have functional relationships with their mothers. There are some days (especially around my wedding anniversary and Mother’s Day) when I worry that my relationship could possibly end up the same with one or both of my daughters. Just the thought makes my heart beat a little faster and the feelings of anxiety reappear.
Today I celebrate eight years of being married to my amazing husband. We have so many memories to cherish (and a few to forget). But in the back of my mind I am always replaying my anxiety attack. The feeling is paralyzing, both then and now. The physical feeling of anxiety overcoming your body is real- shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sweating, shaking, headaches, and more. Each person experiences anxiety in different ways.
Each of us is dealing with different issues. Some are matters of life and death while others are more trivial. Irregardless, we need to take a look around us and accept that no one is perfect. Inside each of us there is a special talent to be shared with the world.
Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~Henry van Dyke
Whether we are dealing with anxiety, debt, addiction, depression, or one of a million other issues it is so important to remember that no one is perfect and that we just need to do our best. Our best really does add up and before you know it, eight years (or more) will pass it the blink of an eye.
Leandrea is a married mom of two girls, ages 13 and 12, living in Atlanta, GA. She is passionate about helping people save money one coupon at a time. Read more
Amen! I suffer from anxiety as well. And it makes a stressful situation 10 times worse. And when others don’t understand my anxiety, that’s hard too. Thanks for being so honest. I do read a lot of blogs where it looks like they have the perfect life. And I even get jealous. Ha ha!
I was so new to the world of anxiety after my first daughter was born that I spent a long time telling myself to just get over it. After my second daughter was born, I asked to be medicated. Things are much better now. It’s not an easy thing at all.
I hope that you can find peace with your relationship with your mother. Whether you two find your way back to each other or not, I just hope you’re able to find peace.
xx
I can relate. I also suffer from anxiety/panic attacks & my mother is very negative & controlling & I have cut all communication with her for years. I feel like a bad person for doing that sometimes but she was such a toxic person & would not change, so I had to do what was best for my family & I. Congrats on your anniversary. Nice to read an honest post =)
~~There is a kind of beauty in imperfection~~
You are very brave! Your relationships with your daughters will be what you put into them. ALWAYS be honest with them, so they will not have “ammo” against you.
Anxiety is SO difficult, and you have found a wonderful man who understands and accepts you. My fiancee thinks I am crazy, and that I just want attention. He also thinks I am trying to manipulate when I have one. (Not that it happens often!)
I agree with Linda’s suggestion. If your mother’s absence bothers you, you must do everything in your power to fix it. That is all you can do. If, however, you are fine with the circumstances, that is perfectly fine too!! Some people just do not get along, including family members.
My mom and I have a strange relationship. She lives in her own world (which is far from reality, sadly.) and we have to play along when we want to visit. Hang in there sweetie. 🙂 Maybe one day we will all figure out how to beat Anxiety! :island:
What a terrible thing to happen on your wedding day. I hope that some day you will be able to have a positive relationship with your Mom. I’d bet she’d like that too, but may not know how to go about setting things right with you. My view is from the other side of a similar situation; After 25 years of marriage, my husband decided he no longer wanted to be married. Our children were grown, the youngest just graduating high school. They were all so angry with ME that our relationships were practically non-existent. After nearly 10 years, my daughter and I have finally regained our relationship – it’s different than it was, but there is a love and bond there that is satisfying. Unfortunately my sons have not forgiven me for allowing their Dad to leave. I have 4 grandchildren (12,10,8,6). The oldest two I haven’t seen since the 10 year old was a newborn; I’ve never met the younger two. I would reccommend that you do whatever YOU can do to resolve the situation with your Mom, and then it will be up to her to take the next step. I too suffer from anxiety and I have found that once I’ve done all I can in any situation, the anxiety lessens because it’s no longer my problem. Best of luck to you; I’m so glad you found such a great husband – a good husband is worth his weight in gold!
How difficult! I cannot imagine having had to cope with kind of fractured family relationship during my wedding. I hope you will forgive me but I will share this with you. My difficulty during my wedding was that neither of my parents were there because they had both moved back to the Lord’s side. Sometimes I look at my wedding pictures with sadness because I see the holes where they should have been in those pictures. I have NO doubt that it’s probably better for your well being that you don’t have a relationship with you Mom. Likely that’s NOT your choice; rather a corner you were pushed into. I’m happy you found a window to escape! (ie your great relationship with you husband. I truly hope someday you can come back around to have a better relationship with your Mom. Not perfect; not story book…but one that you can both live with reasonably. I often wonder what’s worse; having a contentious relationship with your mother, or coping with the death of your mother. Both require lots and lots of mourning, prayer and perseverance. Forgive me if I’ve rambled! I’m having a rambling sort of day. 🙂
I am so sorry that had to happen on your wedding! But you can add me to the handful. My mother was abusive and I’ve never had a close relationship with her. I’m 47, and probably 1/2 the time I’ve been an adult I haven’t even talked to her. I have forgiven her, but just can’t forget. I’ve tried visiting her, but after just ONE day, I have to leave because I, too, start get those attacks. And I’m talking a 9 hour drive back home!
We email now, but do NOT talk on the phone. She tries so very hard, and I worry because she is in her 70’s now, but I just can’t bring myself to visit her anymore. It’s much too hard for me.
Thank you for sharing this. You can add me to your count of folks not having a relationship with their mothers, I like you pray everyday to do differently with my 3 children. I suffer from issues that can’t be seen by others as well, it is a daily struggle for me. So I just wanted to say Thank you for sharing no one is perfect, it reminded me once again that I never will be and that I am who I am.
I also have panic attacks. They are few and far between, but still suck.Thanks for having the courage to post this. Although I did not end up fist fighting with my mom. We are just now trying to have relationship after 15 years of no relationship..Well see.
Thanks again.