Note: This post has nothing to do about coupons or saving money. Instead it is about saving my sanity in the most Parental Confession kind of way!
Kids whine. That’s just the way it goes. I imagine that in most houses kids whine on occasion. In my house the whining was constant. Each time one of my girls whined I cringed. The part of me that cringed is the part that has a background in behavior analysis. Without a doubt I one hundred percent know that my girls are whining as a result of MY behavior. I have reinforced them for whining and they have learned that they get what they want by whining.
It seems like people don’t realize they have a problem until it is out of control. My girls whined all the time and were spending more and more time in their rooms. The whining was turning in to fighting and everyone was pretty unhappy. After talking to one of my friends I decided that we would implement the same system they were using…..the super simple “rewards for good behavior” system. The voice that was gnawing in my head said “This is what you should have done a long time ago.”
After a five dollar trip to the dollar store we were ready to start. Each girl has her own jar and she collect marbles for good behavior. Well, they really get glass rocks, but I feel weird saying “Nice job, here is your rock” as it seems parallel to Santa bringing coal for Christmas. Each girl has a list of things they need to do each day. Their lists each contain:
- Brush your teeth in the morning
- Put your pajamas in the hamper
- Put your shoes in the shoebox
- Clean up the toys you played with
- Put your dishes in the sink
- Be nice to each other
- Use your big girl voice/words (No whining)
- Share
In the eight days that we have done this new system the whining has been reduced in our house!! Yesterday there was absolutely no whining. It was the best day of the month! As long as I remember to reinforce them for their good behavior they keep doing good. Today I haven’t been as great at remembering to give them marbles for being nice to each other and the whining was escalating.
I am reading How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will, Too! This book is very easy to read and I really enjoy it. It takes parenting and explains behaviors in a simple way that applies to life. The examples sometimes remind me of my own children.
While my kids whined I wondered “What is wrong with me? Why do I have naughty little girls.” It was when I stepped back and realized we were all in a pattern of dysfunctional behavior that I was able to implement changes. The marble system may not be for you, but positive reinforcement words for everyone and is a much better way to alter behavior than punishment.
Have you found ways to improve your household that you would like to share? We would love to hear from you.
Ashley Frei says
This is a great system to use – we were doing stickers on a chart for awhile but my son we just not understanding at that time (he was 3). Now that he is 4 1/2 I think I am going to try again – now if only it would work for my 1 year old daughter lol
Theresa says
Oooh! Very awesome system! Right now we’re doing star stickers on a calendar and at the end of the month, he gets a nickle for every star.
Positive Parenting says
We have started positive reinforcement with the kids. They are bucking against it, but all proudly display their chore charts and bug us to mark off the completed items.
Jessica says
I love that this system is working for you! I think we are going to need to implement something new around here too, but I’ll have to think of something a little more simple for Justin (who could already use some discipline).
The Thrifty Military Wife says
I defiantly figured out that with my 3 year old to get her to stop whining or crying to talk to her in a calm voice and sit face to face with her is much easier to get my point across then trying to talk over her when she is crying.. Oh and I thought being a parent would be easy, Ha! Yeah right! 🙂 Okay so that just might be common sense but its made a big difference in her understanding me and listening to me better.
Also, Im a follower! Check out my blog if you like!
http://thethriftymilitarywife.blogspot.com